Born to Try
by ItsHarmony
Summary: When it comes down to it, could you choose between what is right and what is easy?


**A/N . I originally wrote this as a SongFic, but I honestly couldn't remember if allowed it, so I removed the lyrics. The song I set it to was 'Born to Try' by Delta Goodrem. I thought the lyrics fit pretty well, look it up it's a good song! ****J**

**Disclaimer - I don't own Harry Potter, that wizarding world belongs to J.K. Rowling.**

My life could never be described as 'normal', and I don't think it will ever be just that. I don't think it could be. Ever since I can remember I'd been labelled as a freak, shunned for not being the same as everyone else and for a while that bothered me and I believed them. But now I'm older and I know better, or at least I think I do, and that's what I tell them.

I thought I knew the path I would choose when I was 15 years old, maybe younger I can't be sure. But then something happened and it made me doubt everything I had ever believed in, and nobody could change my mind, I wouldn't let them… because I had to do what I believed was right. The only one I even began to believe could be telling the truth was you, and I wanted that reality more than anything. You believed in me, and for then that was all that mattered.

When I heard that prophecy, and discovered it was about me. I couldn't even begin to comprehend what it meant for me, all I knew was that I would have to kill or be killed, and I didn't know which outcome scared me more. It was then that I realized that I had to change, and I couldn't have what I really wanted. The only way I knew how to save you, was to push you away. So I did, it hurt but I knew that in the long run it would be the best decision. You would understand.

It was easier than I thought, and though it still hurt -more than I could imagine, it remained the best decision for your safety. I don't know what provoked me to do what I did next, it still doesn't make sense to this day, but you were too important and it had to be believable. I think that was the day that changed everything, you smiled at me, just smiled. To everyone else it would seem like such an insignificant gesture, but to me it hurt more than I ever imagined it could, but it also meant that it was working - you would be safe.

I couldn't keep up the charade for long, and I was given the perfect opportunity to end it which I accepted readily. In order to keep up my heroic stance, I played up to the story of wanting to protect her, it wasn't an outright lie - I did want to protect someone it just wasn't her, and she didn't object. But by then I'd realized that what I had set out to do, I had accomplished, you liked him.

When he left those months, I was lost and I could tell you were too. But it turned out it wasn't for the reasons I thought. We talked a lot through that time, and I feared that all my work would be ruined… and in some ways it was. In a moment of madness I confessed what I had been doing, and to my astonishment you weren't surprised and told me that you knew that's what I was doing, and why you went to him.

Through those few months it was as if the last two years had never happened, and we were closer than ever. I knew it was risky but I couldn't help it, and I knew he would be hurt but that feeling of loyalty seemed to diminish when I was with you. I felt like a normal teenager again, like I didn't have the weight of the world on my shoulders. We both decided that you would have to go back to him, and I to her, it was still the safest of choices, the easy choice.

I heard them screaming for me, as I lay there pretending to be dead - yours was the worst, and it took all my strength not to answer you and say I was okay. When it came to it, destroying him was easier than I thought, a malfunctioning wand. So simple. And at least my signature spell came in handy at the end. They lost their brother that day, and with one look at you we both knew that we couldn't change our minds we had to stay with them. For now.

We let it get out of hand, and before I knew it he was asking you to marry him in front of everyone. I tried to put on my bravest face, I fooled everyone into thinking I was happy for the two of you. I fooled everyone, except you. You followed me out of the room, once I couldn't stand smiling any longer. We talked for hours, and for that one night it felt like we were back in that tent with nobody else to bother us. You smiled at me, and in that second I knew that I could never stop loving you, and I couldn't let you marry him.

The day you got married, was one of the worst of my life and I've had many contenders for that title. What hurt the most was that I was the Best Man, and I stood behind him as you took your vows. I wished so much that it were me that you were saying those for, me who you would spend the rest of you life with. They announced you as Man & Wife, you grinned at the guests but I could tell that you weren't truly happy, your smile didn't quite reach your eyes.

When I married her, you were standing right beside her and in all honesty I almost slipped up, saying your name instead of hers. But I didn't. We were married, and you smiled at me, just smiled. Like that time in the common room the first time I kissed her, but this time the reason wasn't the same. I didn't need to protect you anymore, so why was I married to her? And you to him?

"It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends." Dumbledore said this in our first year at Hogwarts, no truer words could be said, yet I didn't know at the time I would be in that very position not so many years later. After everything I had been through, all the enemies I had fought, I couldn't find the courage to stand up to my own friends in favour of my happiness. Some hero I turned out to be.

My marriage with her didn't last very long, as I always knew it wouldn't. I didn't love her, and she came to see that I couldn't commit to her the way that she'd always wanted me to. I'm not sure if she ever caught the fleeting glances I used to send your way when I thought that nobody was watching, maybe she did, maybe that's why our divorce was so clean. I already knew of her affairs, they were much more physical than my emotional affairs of the heart.

The day you appeared in my flat, sobbing uncontrollably from another row with him, you told me it was over. I couldn't help but feel slightly overjoyed at the thought that we would finally get our chance to be together. I think you noticed because your eyebrows furrowed, and you bit your lower lip suppressing a smile through your falling tears. I didn't have to protect you anymore, I didn't have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I argued inwardly with myself for a few moments, before brushing my lips hesitantly against yours. You pulled away, and I felt a knot beginning to tie in my stomach, what if you didn't want me anymore? What if you really did love him. But you smiled at me, the smile that reached your eyes and made them sparkle, so unlike the smile you wore on your wedding day.

Though we both admitted our feelings to each other when we were 17 years old, it took us five years before we could finally be together. We tried to stay away and move on, fighting valiantly to protect each other from the horrors of war, but love always wins out in the end and ours is the truest of them all.

**A/N. Please read and review, let me know what you think. I don't want to be one of those authors that begs for reviews, but my other stories have received over 700 hits and only have one review each. I'd love to know what you think of my writing.**

**Thanks, ItsHarmony x**


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